Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Today was Good. Today was Peace. And Worry. And Serenity. And Acceptance. And Denial. And Panic. But mostly Peace. Peace that it’s out of my hands. To an extent. From now until diagnosis is out of my hand. And then after that, a tiny percent is in my hands.
Best case scenarios.
Worst case scenarios. What do they mean? What do they mean for us? What do they mean for our mission? What the heck is our mission? And where?
Worst case scenarios. Do we need to leave? Can we do the things we always wanted? Does it alter our plans? How? Is it time to make a bucket list? Is it time to change priorities? Is it time to ‘put things in perspective,’ whatever that means? Do we stay because that’s where we find the most ‘meaning’? Do we stay to set an example for our children? Do we leave for health? Do we leave to accomplish things in our lives? Does money matter? Do we make a list and schedule and agenda of things we want to do while we have good health?
Is this just a blessing in disguise to show us we need to live now as if tomorrow isn’t guaranteed?
So many question. All unanswered.
As I write, Danae’s head is in an MRI.
Tomorrow we will have answers. We hope.
But for tonight, we have done all we can. And for the moment, it is all out of our hands. They’re in His. And so I’m at peace.
Tonight is Good. Ish.
Today was Good. Today was Peace. And Worry. And Serenity. And Acceptance. And Denial. And Panic. But mostly Peace. Peace that it’s out of my hands. To an extent. From now until diagnosis is out of my hand. And then after that, a tiny percent is in my hands.
Best case scenarios.
Worst case scenarios. What do they mean? What do they mean for us? What do they mean for our mission? What the heck is our mission? And where?
Worst case scenarios. Do we need to leave? Can we do the things we always wanted? Does it alter our plans? How? Is it time to make a bucket list? Is it time to change priorities? Is it time to ‘put things in perspective,’ whatever that means? Do we stay because that’s where we find the most ‘meaning’? Do we stay to set an example for our children? Do we leave for health? Do we leave to accomplish things in our lives? Does money matter? Do we make a list and schedule and agenda of things we want to do while we have good health?
Is this just a blessing in disguise to show us we need to live now as if tomorrow isn’t guaranteed?
So many question. All unanswered.
As I write, Danae’s head is in an MRI.
Tomorrow we will have answers. We hope.
But for tonight, we have done all we can. And for the moment, it is all out of our hands. They’re in His. And so I’m at peace.
Tonight is Good. Ish.
Dear Olen and Danae: I am praying for you and your precious children.
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