Sunday, May 1, 2011

#41 April

Seeing as how April is winding down and May is soon approaching, we are beginning to feel the oncoming rainy season. We’ve had two rains so far. Nothing that’s flooded, mind you, but just enough to cool down the temperature to nearly tolerable. Of course, the next day it’s 118 again. You can imagine the humidity.

So to wrap up what’s rumored to be the hottest month, here’s a special edition of ‘You Might be in Tchad if...’

You Might be in Tchad if...

You find yourself putting on a fleece in 90-degree weather. It’s normal.

Your thermometer says 117. In the shade. In your house. And 94 at 6am.

You’re writing this at 3am because it’s still too hot to fall asleep.

Watching a thrilling DVD on the computer while in bed has you glued to your sheets. As in, it’s so hot that you’re sweating while doing nothing, so the sheets stick to you. What? Come on! You’ve honestly never heard the phrase, ‘Glued to your seats.’ It’s a pun. It’s punny. Get it? Like funny. See, I just made another pun just right there. And you missed it.

You fight with your spouse in the middle of the night to see who gets the sweatiest part of the bed. No no, it’s not what you think. You actually both WANT it. The evaporation makes it the coolest part of the bed too. You shamelessly bury your face in it to make it feel a little less like 100 degrees in your bedroom.

You know the importance of pre-hydrating before going to bed. You can lose pounds of sweat while you sleep. Or poop. Or eat. Or exist.

You find your thermometer inadequate. It only goes to 120.

You know that romance dwindles at 91 degrees Fahrenheit. It stops completely at 114.

You have come to accept it as completely normal that you are sweating in your house while doing nothing.

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