What to expect when you're expecting...in Tchad

Tips for the Nasara…

Number 7 Tip: Leave out a baby name book as bait for snoopy SMs.  They think they might know the sex of our baby, but…..Mmmmha ha ha ha…..We’re not telling.  I know so mean to keep a surprise all to ourselves!

Number 6 Tip: Don’t try to get that perfect African pregnancy photo.  It may not have worked out so well like it did last time (see previous blog photo from probably May of 2011).  I did somehow get Zane’s pregnant belly with a variety of african animals: kingfisher birds, mating baboons (really truly), a snake (on my belly), a lion (in the background), a monkey, and the worst…...the charging cow.

Number 5 Tip: Eat what you want…..ice cream and pickles anyone?  That’s a negative on both.  It’s rice and beans or beans and rice every other day.  Now if only it were from Taco Bell I would be happy.  I so would love a Taco Bell bean burrito.  

Number 4 Tip: Don’t overheat.  

Hello?!  Did you say don’t overheat in April?  Um, kind of impossible.  The best bet is to operate on everyone you can find.  Then you can stay in the air-conditioned operating room.  I’m sweating as I write this blog… in our house… at 9pm.  It’s 104 in the house.  Ya, April is really hot.  I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t allow this for pregnant women in the US.  There would be some heat advisory warnings out for not only the elderly, but for everyone.  But you’re in Tchad, so go ahead and sweat in all those places you didn’t know you had glands.  

Number 3 Tip: Don’t get malaria. Don’t get malaria.  Don’t get malaria.  If you do, don’t get preterm labor, don’t get preterm labor, don’t get preterm labor.  

Number 2 Tip: Choosing your doctor.  You could go to the local health center where they are most likely to give you a class X pregnancy medication (bad for you) at one point or another during your prenatal visits.  Or you could just do your own prenatal care.  Weigh yourself from time to time.  Ultrasound yourself from time to time.  Take your blood pressure from time to time (actually, not yet done).  You know…..very programmed and scheduled.  

Number 1 Tip:   Choosing where to deliver, ie, deciding NOT to deliver in Tchad.  

Why not?  Angelina Jolie delivered in Africa, why not you?  Yes, she is cooler than me.  Second of all, all of Africa is not like Tchad, and Tchad is not like all of Africa.  There are nice parts and there are not so nice parts.  Tchad is one of those latter ones.  Bajillionth of all, Angelina travels with her own posse of personal OB/gyns and operating suites.

Start by deciding when to fly home.  Pay the expensive doctors in NDJ a lot so that they will sign a paper to let you fly.  Otherwise, suck your belly in and fake not being pregnant (not so easy to do).  

Pick a state to delivery in and fly there.  It would be smart to chose the state that gives you the fastest birth certificate, ie, not New Jersey.   That way you can get the kid its passport before you have to leave the country without your newborn.  

Pick a hospital that MIGHT believe your story of being an OB missionary doctor who did her own prenatal care and just arrived in the country.  Otherwise the nurses will brand you as a lying druggie who should have her child taken away. 

So in case you didn’t realize, we’re preggers again!  Due mid August.