‘Say what?’ ‘Come again?’ ‘Watchu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?’
These were all things I tried to say, but it kinda came out like, ‘Uuuoooooaaaaapppttthhh.’ I think I picked it up as one of the local tribal languages for the above sayings.
Mom was just explaining that there’s no dating here. Apparently, it’s a rule. It was originally meant just for the student missionaries here. (Which, by the way, are multiplying like rabbits around here!!! We’ve got thirteen right now!)
Normally, I wouldn’t be upset about this. But you gotta pull this out on me in public? Right now? Right in front of my girl? Seriously? But, Mooooooooommmm! It’s not fair!
Friday, I was just minding my own business, doing my thing. You know how it is. Coo for a little bit. Look real cute like. Pretend like you’re gonna cry, but then break a smile at the last second. (That one busts people up, man. Works every time.) Breastfeed a bit. Turd in your pants. Make ugly faces at your brother when Mom’s not watching. Read A
Tale of Two Cities when Mom’s not watching. You know how it goes. I don’t need to tell you. You’ve all been there. Anyways, this total hottie rolls up, right. Looking all sassy in her onesie. Sporting these hot pink cloth diapers. You feel me? So of course, I’m all like, ‘Hey, what’s up, baby? You new around here? Cool, cool. No worries. Don’t be scared. I know it’s like, Africa and all, but no stress, baby. I’ll show you around a bit. Just stay close, you know, cuz this is like all real up in here. We’re talking Africa-style. There could be like vicious tigers and bears and woodpeckers and penguins and dolphins and stuff around. So stay real close in case I need to fend ‘em off for you.’
She totally fell for it and was diggin’ on me. She let me slip my arm around her. Everything was going great.
Of course, then her big brother came barging in. Dude can’t respect privacy, man. This cat was on my shoulder all day like bird dookie. Anyway, he got all scared by the talk of lizards, so he started crying. The crying was killing the mood, man. So I stuck my thumb in his mouth since I couldn’t find a pacifier. Then while he was distracted, I totally slid my hand down his sister’s back to her derriere. You can see in the picture what I mean.
Anyway, that’s when Mom caught us and busted out the whole ‘No Dating’ speech, right in front of everyone. It was no secret that it was aimed at hottie and me. Anyway, baby, while we’re apart, you know I’ll be thinking about you and waiting for you.
Oh, I should explain. Hottie is Miriam. Her big brother is Adam. They’re the Appels. They were actually born within 24 hours of me. What are the odds? Three Americans in Tchad born within 24 hours! That’s a first, I guarantee. They’ll be moving to Moundou, a couple hours away while their parents open a surgery center there. But you know we’ll be in touch.